shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
