my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
