That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
