i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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