Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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