Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
