Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
