He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
