I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
