Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
