he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
