Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
two words...techno handjob
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
