Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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