Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
