Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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