My Higher Power is John Stamos
Operation Purity has been aborted
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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