RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
