she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
