Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
