Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
