I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
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