it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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