Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
