She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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