This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
