I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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