I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
