my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
