guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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