The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
