We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
