I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
