so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
