garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I accidentally had phone sex last night
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
