the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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