apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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