Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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