you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
