My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
