And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
