conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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