i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Naked Twister starts at high noon
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
