just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
