My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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