I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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