so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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