So drunk its hurt
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize