PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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