It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
