hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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