Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize