I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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