Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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