I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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