i jhust puked up my retainher.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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