3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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