i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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