my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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