that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
