By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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