I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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