I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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