so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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