where am i from again
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
