you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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