Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
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How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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