i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
