i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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