he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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