We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
