I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
