YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
