Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
