I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
